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Literature Text
Everyone has their demons.
Everyone has their hidden struggles.
Everyone has their secret pain.
All I wanted was for the hurting to stop. All I wanted was relief from the constant torment that was my life. I thought I could make it all end, make it all go away forever. I was wrong. I was so wrong...
Three days ago I killed myself. Three days ago I took 2 bottles of sleeping pills while lying in the bathtub. My strength had run its course. The demons that tormented me had been relentless, digging their claws into my back until they had become a permanent fixture. They overwhelmed me. They beat me. They won. And only now do I see the results of their work.
The world didn't stop. The schools didn't shut down. The businesses didn't close their doors. It was far from a disaster. Life went on as if nothing had happened.
Or at least that was true for most of the world. But for others, I had plunged their world into darkness. I removed the life giving light from their universe and replaced it with an unending shadow. A night that lasts forever. A dawn that never comes.
I am far from free. Far from being released from worry and pain and suffering. Now I know true torment. I am cursed to know the results of my actions. Cursed to see exactly what I caused when I gave up. Cursed to see the terrible ripple effect my death has had on all the ones I love.
I thought I was ending my pain, but instead I multiplied it. I took what was only mine and gave it to everyone I had ever held dear. I magnified it and spread it like an infectious disease. And now I sit and watch them grieve. I watch them struggle with MY demons, the ones they only have because I gave them to them. I made them suffer and I am forced to watch, to see, to experience it; that is my new pain.
If only I would have known. I thought the world would be a better place without me in it. I thought their lives were better off without me dragging them down. I thought I was doing them a favor. I was horribly, horribly wrong.
If I could go back I would. I would endure my demons. I would fight them. I would suffer through my pain all over again if for no other reason than for their sakes. I would fight those monsters to protect the people I loved, the people who loved me, from having to experience them. If only I could...
But I can't.
I have already passed the point of no return.
All I can do now is watch...watch them suffer.
What have I done?
Everyone has their hidden struggles.
Everyone has their secret pain.
All I wanted was for the hurting to stop. All I wanted was relief from the constant torment that was my life. I thought I could make it all end, make it all go away forever. I was wrong. I was so wrong...
Three days ago I killed myself. Three days ago I took 2 bottles of sleeping pills while lying in the bathtub. My strength had run its course. The demons that tormented me had been relentless, digging their claws into my back until they had become a permanent fixture. They overwhelmed me. They beat me. They won. And only now do I see the results of their work.
The world didn't stop. The schools didn't shut down. The businesses didn't close their doors. It was far from a disaster. Life went on as if nothing had happened.
Or at least that was true for most of the world. But for others, I had plunged their world into darkness. I removed the life giving light from their universe and replaced it with an unending shadow. A night that lasts forever. A dawn that never comes.
I am far from free. Far from being released from worry and pain and suffering. Now I know true torment. I am cursed to know the results of my actions. Cursed to see exactly what I caused when I gave up. Cursed to see the terrible ripple effect my death has had on all the ones I love.
I thought I was ending my pain, but instead I multiplied it. I took what was only mine and gave it to everyone I had ever held dear. I magnified it and spread it like an infectious disease. And now I sit and watch them grieve. I watch them struggle with MY demons, the ones they only have because I gave them to them. I made them suffer and I am forced to watch, to see, to experience it; that is my new pain.
If only I would have known. I thought the world would be a better place without me in it. I thought their lives were better off without me dragging them down. I thought I was doing them a favor. I was horribly, horribly wrong.
If I could go back I would. I would endure my demons. I would fight them. I would suffer through my pain all over again if for no other reason than for their sakes. I would fight those monsters to protect the people I loved, the people who loved me, from having to experience them. If only I could...
But I can't.
I have already passed the point of no return.
All I can do now is watch...watch them suffer.
What have I done?
When in the darkest pits of depression one can often times only see themselves and their pain. They forget about everything else and it becomes their sole obsession. They can't see anything but their torment.
It's so easy to forget that life continues on after you are gone. It's so easy not to consider the effect suicide will have on the people you love. But please, please consider them. If you can't do it for yourself, please do it for them.
It's so easy to forget that life continues on after you are gone. It's so easy not to consider the effect suicide will have on the people you love. But please, please consider them. If you can't do it for yourself, please do it for them.
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